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The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade | 
 enlarge | Author: Ann Fessler
Publisher: Penguin Press HC, The
Category: Book
List Price: $24.95
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Rating:  97 reviews
Sales Rank: 361532
Format: Bargain Price
Media: Hardcover
Number Of Items: 1
Pages: 368
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.7
Dimensions (in): 9.4 x 6.1 x 1.3
Dewey Decimal Number: 362.8298
ASIN: B000NA1XTO
Publication Date: May 4, 2006
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Product Description
A powerful and groundbreaking revelation of the secret history of the 1.5 million women who surrendered children for adoption in the several decades before Roe v. Wade
In this deeply moving work, Ann Fessler brings to light the lives of hundreds of thousands of young single American women forced to give up their newborn children in the years following World War II and before Roe v. Wade. The Girls Who Went Away tells a story not of wild and carefree sexual liberation, but rather of a devastating double standard that has had punishing long-term effects on these women and on the children they gave up for adoption. Based on Fessler's groundbreaking interviews, it brings to brilliant life these women's voices and the spirit of the time, allowing each to share her own experience in gripping and intimate detail. Today, when the future of the Roe decision and women's reproductive rights stand squarely at the front of a divisive national debate, Fessler brings to the fore a long-overlooked history of single women in the fifties, sixties, and early seventies.
In 2002, Fessler, an adoptee herself, traveled the country interviewing women willing to speak publicly about why they relinquished their children. Researching archival records and the political and social climate of the time, she uncovered a story of three decades of women who, under enormous social and family pressure, were coerced or outright forced to give their babies up for adoption. Fessler deftly describes the impossible position in which these women found themselves: as a sexual revolution heated up in the postwar years, birth control was tightly restricted, and abortion proved prohibitively expensive or life endangering. At the same time, a postwar economic boom brought millions of American families into the middle class, exerting its own pressures to conform to a model of family perfection. Caught in the middle, single pregnant women were shunned by family and friends, evicted from schools, sent away to maternity homes to have their children alone, and often treated with cold contempt by doctors, nurses, and clergy.
The majority of the women Fessler interviewed have never spoken of their experiences, and most have been haunted by grief and shame their entire adult lives. A searing and important look into a long-overlooked social history, The Girls Who Went Away is their story.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 92 more reviews...
 Useless for most adoptees, but still interesting December 7, 2008
1 out of 3 found this review helpful
Even-handed it's not!
Another reviewer says, "Every woman described did consent to the placement of her baby for adoption. Whether she felt like it or not, she did consent. Until a birthmother comes to acknowledge that decision and the decisions that she made that led up to it, healing simply cannot begin." I could not agree more. Yes, it's scary to admit that a decision you made as a scared unwed mom affected so many lives, and left an emotional legacy for your child that lasts a lifetime, but that's the reality. Even in the best of cases, adoption involves loss, pain, and emotional difficulties for the most defenseless and innocent of the parties involved: the baby. (Note to birth moms: if you read books like Your Amazing Newborn by Marshall & Phyllis Klaus and How Babies Talk: The Magic and Mystery of Language in the First Three Years of Life by Roberta Golinkoff & Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, the emotional awareness of newborns and the level of fetuses' connection with their moms well before birth will totally blow your mind; so much for the ole "blank slate"!)
This book, given to me, an adoptee, via mail by my newly found birth mother, made me sad, angry, and downright irritated at all the victim mentality refrains repeated throughout this long read. Yes, I know some of these moms were teens when they gave birth, but guess what? They were still adult enough to get pregnant, and I don't think age alone or cultural pressures alone can justify their choice, yes choice, to place their child for adoption.
I am not saying that giving up a child for adoption is inherently wrong or "bad," nor am I saying that society at large and the adoption agencies who pressured single pregnant women don't have a burden of guilt to bear. However, I cannot just let all birth moms off the repsonsibility hook. It would have been so refreshing to hear more of these birth moms say, "I thought about my future chances at higher education, a husband, a nice, traditional family, and on balance I decided it was worth the pain of giving up my baby in order to have that future I dreamed of." Or, "I felt ready to experiment sexually and was really enjoying my newfound sexuality when I got pregnant." But I never heard those words, or any such words where anyone takes any responsibility for their actions or choices. Just: victim, victim, victim!
Not surprisingly, reading this many pages from just ONE point of view gets tiresome (especially when you are reading it through the eyes of the unwanted and inconvenient unborn baby). This book would be *greatly* improved by including the narratives of others involved in the adoption dynamic: birth fathers, birth mothers' parents and siblings, adoption agency workers, pregnant single moms who kept and raised the end results of their unintended pregnancies (I am sure there were a few who bucked the system but you'd never know it from this work); and last but not least, the nameless, faceless adopted babies who get virtually no voice at all in this book.
By the end of this book, you feel like you've been reading about a Taliban-controlled moral wasteland where women are veiled and cloistered, not the US forty years ago. I appreciated this glimpse into the inner secret world of a pregnant teen of the 60s and the struggles they faced, but the lack of balance and the sense of these women's desperate embrace of Victim Status continually grated and prevented sincere reading enjoyment.
The book gets one star for being emotionally compelling and highly readable, and one star for telling a story that needed to be told. In both these respects, it is worth a look.
Too bad the contributors could not see beyond their own pain enough to create a work that would tell the stories of all involved, even if this would mean giving up a fantasy in which they always get to play Powerless Little Girl instead of Woman Who Made a Choice. In many ways, this book feels incomplete, and the women who share their stories in its pages seem like adults trapped forever in a teen's worldview, obsessed with their poor wounded inner child.
PS- This book actually made me wonder if there isn't a typical personality profile for the 60s woman who chose to place her baby for adoption-- obsessed with her own sense of powerlessness; emotionally immature; selfish and narcissistic but unwilling to admit any remotely self-centered thinking or actions. Hmmmm.... could be?!?! If I've offended any birth moms, please read the book and judge for yourself before you comment on my comments. I am confident that after reading the entire work you will see where I'm coming from even if you don't agree with the points I've raised.
 My grandmothers story November 23, 2008
My grandmother is Joyce II in this book. She kept this secret from us until he called her out of the blue one day. She always kept in contact with the parents leaving her information with them, but always leaving it up to him to make the first move. When he called her she said, "I thought you would hate me for what I did." He replied, "No I love you for it." Then they reunited. He is a wonderful man. He sent her a first mother's day card. He eats ice cream by the gallon and likes to work on cars. Some of his teeth are knocked out and he like to show people his false ones. He is incredibly funny and so tall. I went to a reading of this book when it was published. They had all the women from Houston line up and read thier portion of the book out loud along with the author and her story. He was able to attend that event and hear the story of his own past. It was a little strange for me because I was always defined as Fred and Joyce's grandaughter. Now I was Fred's grandaughter, not the child of her son.
A must read! August 8, 2008
This book opened up so much for me. It really showcases what being pregnant and young/unwed meant in my mothers generation. In my generation I saw pregnant girls by the dozen walk through the halls of my high school, thinking why would they keep there babies they are 16 and 17 years old. I recongize now just how huge it is that are allowed to stay in school. Now I am so thankful that sex was talked about in my health class, and while contraception wasn't a big point in the syllabus, it was there. I think this book showcases just what we can improve on as a society.
This book is really a must read for all poeple.
Birthmom's do matter. July 13, 2008
Being a birthmom myself, and being reunited with my daughter for a little over a year, has been such a new experience for us all. I am so grateful she is alive and well, though we have a long ways to go for healing. I am fine with this, as I understand her view point, as she is healing too.
I read this book in one sitting, was so drawn to this, and was amazed by the other bmom's experiences, it is a must read for anyone involved in the adoption triad.
We bmom's feel the pain, and as birthmoms' should have a voice, not to bury the lost of their own child, voluntarily or not. Quite a few people still in today's world accept the amother and the achild, but the bmom, still shunned by today. I know this, because I am still being judged. Even though I am telling quite a few of my daughter. Just now I don't care what other people think, where before I was so ashamed on so many levels, and was never allowed to grieve.
This book helped heal my heart with the compelling stories that birthmoms' do have a voice, and the pain of relinquishment voluntarily or not, and living with the loss. Thank you for publishing this book and for these brave Bmom's for sharing their stories
A must read for adoptees May 24, 2008
I am a 36 year old adoptee who was reunited with my birth mother in my early twenties. Although we enjoy a wonderful, close relationship, the topic of my birth is still exquisitely painful for her to discuss. Reading this book gave me a better appreciation for how hard the decision to relinquish me must have been. I would like to thank Ann Fessler for her work.
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