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The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do to Prevent It | 
 enlarge | Author: M. Gary Neuman
Creator: Jonathan Davis
Publisher: BBC Audiobooks America
Category: Book
List Price: $24.95
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Rating:  20 reviews
Sales Rank: 710998
Format: Audiobook
Media: Audio CD
Edition: Unabridged
Number Of Items: 6
Shipping Weight (lbs): 0.3
Dimensions (in): 6.3 x 5.5 x 0.7
ISBN: 160283539X
Dewey Decimal Number: 306.736081
EAN: 9781602835399
ASIN: 160283539X
Publication Date: September 9, 2008
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Amazon.com Review
Book Description
Few events cause as much turmoil in a marriage as infidelity. It can shatter trust and breed insecurity and resentment from which some relationships never recover. People who think it won't happen to them are hit that much harder when it does. Why are men unfaithful? Can infidelity be prevented? Can a wife single-handedly ensure that her husband won't stray? What do men say they're getting from their mistresses that they're missing at home? Do a man's friends have anything to do with his willingness to cheat? While there are books that have explored the feelings and experiences of wives whose husbands have been unfaithful, the question of why men cheat and whether it is because of sexual dissatisfaction, emotional dissatisfaction, or something else has remained largely unexamined. At last, The Truth About Cheating presents many fascinating and provocative answers. In this book, experienced family counselor Gary Neuman shares the revealing and surprising findings of a cutting-edge research study in which he interviewed and studied close to 100 men from 48 states who have physically cheated on their wives. In this book, Neuman shares many shocking discoveries, including the prominent role of emotional dissatisfaction in motivating husbands who stray and how small a role sexual dissatisfaction plays. Drawing on dramatic case stories of the author's own work with clients, The Truth About Cheating includes proactive strategies and action steps for married women that will help them prevent infidelity, and create a faithful and rewarding marriage. Amazon Exclusive: A Letter to Readers from the Author
  M. Gary Neuman is a Florida psychotherapist, rabbi, creator of the internationally recognized Sandcastles Programs for children of divorce, and author of Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way, and Emotional Infidelity, How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage and Other Secrets to a Great Marriage. His work has received national media coverage including multiple appearances on Oprah, the Today Show, the View, and NPR, as well as appearances on Dateline, NBC Nightly News, CBS Weekend News, and Good Morning America. He has been written about in numerous publications including People, Time, Cosmo, Parents, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Miami Herald and elsewhere. Gary lives with his wife and five children in Miami Beach, Florida.
Dear Reader, I am very excited to share this book with you. The Truth about Cheating can be read by everyone, including people who may not be really concerned about their own personal situations but who want the knowledge and stories that the study provides. After more than 20 years as a marriage counselor, I've seen firsthand the overwhelming pain that cheating causes spouses and their families. When I searched for answers about why men cheat and found none, I decided that I would do a study to investigate the issue. For three years I worked on my research to find the truth about cheating and the results were astounding. This book is about one thing and one thing only?empowering women. Men and women always want to know what the other sex is thinking. After reading this book you'll know the answers and this knowledge will not just reduce the odds of your husband cheating but more importantly will help you create a marriage that is mutually beneficial. Your husband will start listening and giving to you more than ever once you have a better understanding of him and his emotional needs. It's astounding how much women are made to feel that they must be everything to and do everything for their men or else they'll stray. False. Only 12% of the cheating men in my study said the other woman was better looking than their wives. And only 8% said that sexual dissatisfaction was the primary issue at home when he cheated. Throw out your assumptions and everything you've been told and search with me for the truth in this book. In The Truth about Cheating, we’ll discuss the many things you can do to make your life and marriage better than ever. You'll also hear the fascinating stories that women shared with me as part of my research and I hope the work they did to better their lives and marriages will inspire you as it did me. You will discover that although you are not to blame, and never responsible for your husbands' cheating, and not responsible for fixing the problem, there are clear, concise methods to create a connection in your marriage that will prevent tragedy from happening and will give you renewed confidence in your relationship. I hope my research and work will begin a discussion of what all of us can do to have more meaningful marriages. Please let me know your thoughts and insights and also what you'd like to know from women who cheated?that's the next part of my research and this national conversation. Women today have choices and options and this book is meant to give more information and to respectfully begin the discussion about what people say about their cheating and what all of us can do to prevent it. Thank you for honoring me with your interest in my work. 6 Warning Signs of Marital Infidelity
1. He spends more time away from home.
Most cheating men surveyed said that more time spent away from home was a sign that they were close to or already involved in infidelity. Although you can’t keep tabs on your husband’s whereabouts during the workday, it still seems that cheating men find extra time to slip away from home, not just during work hours. 2. You have sex infrequently.
Only 43 percent of men surveyed said that frequency of sex with their wives decreased once the infidelity began. Why such a small number? Because in many struggling marriages at high risk for infidelity, couples only have sex about once every couple of months. 3. He avoids contact with you.
The contact you have with your husband, even if it is about the ordinary business of life, helps you develop a general awareness of each other. His avoidance of your calls or desire not to spend time with you points to a desire to disconnect, whether or not he is conscious of it. 4. He criticizes you more.
Often, cheating men will criticize their wives seemingly out of the blue. If you notice your husband criticizing you for things he used to find amusing, keep your eyes open for other signs. 5. He starts more fights with you.
The criticism mentioned above often leads to more fights. If your marriage becomes increasingly contentious, you may be at risk for infidelity. 6. He mentions another woman, a female "friend," in casual conversation.
Most cheating occurs with friends, not one-night stands just for sex. When your husband begins to talk about a woman at the office he really admires, he may be telling you about his potential mistress straight to your face.
Product Description
An unprecedented look at the real reasons for male marital infidelity, and what might prevent it Few events cause as much turmoil in a marriage as infidelity. It can shatter trust and breed insecurity and resentment from which some relationships never recover. People who think it won't happen to them are hit that much harder when it does. Why are men unfaithful? Can infidelity be prevented? Can a wife single-handedly ensure that her husband won't stray? What do men say they're getting from their mistresses that they're missing at home? Do a man's friends have anything to do with his willingness to cheat? While there are books that have explored the feelings and experiences of wives whose husbands have been unfaithful, the question of why men cheat and whether it is because of sexual dissatisfaction, emotional dissatisfaction, or something else has remained largely unexamined. At last, Lessons from Cheating Husbands presents many fascinating and provocative answers. In this book, experienced family counselor Gary Neuman shares the revealing and surprising findings of a cutting-edge research study in which he interviewed and studied close to 100 men from 48 states who have physically cheated on their wives. In this book, Neuman shares many shocking discoveries, including the prominent role of emotional dissatisfaction in motivating husbands who stray and how small a role sexual dissatisfaction plays. Drawing on dramatic case stories of the author's own work with clients, Lessons from Cheating Husbands includes proactive strategies and action steps for married women that will help them prevent infidelity, and create a faithful and rewarding marriage.
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| Customer Reviews: Read 15 more reviews...
 Nice work... although I believe the truth may be even further to the right... December 23, 2008
0 out of 1 found this review helpful
Excellent text. Easy to read. The conclusions are intuitive to most men who will readily recognize the truth in Neuman's work. With that said, there exist perhaps even more pressing, albeit unalterable, reasons men cheat.. with the idea of being drawn to something "new" and "different" rising to the forefront of my mind. So, I think the author does a great job of addressing a "catalyst" for cheating; one that is perhaps amenable to prevention or corrective action, but misses some other basic ideas that are perhaps less palatable and relatively immutable. Interestingly, I would not expect men (even in a professional/private/anonymous environment) to admit that they might cheat simply because they are looking for something a bit more thrilling than their life-time spouse, long term girlfriend, etc. For example, assuming that many of these men cheated due to the emotional gratification they experienced interacting with another woman.. one might ask, why did these men even start a relationship with this woman in the first place? How many of these men were emotionally rewarded by women who might be wholly unattractive and then proceeded down the infidelity path with these same ladies? Likely, not many. While the partners of the cheating men referenced in Neuman's book may not have been exceptionally more attractive than the man's souse, were many entirely LESS attractive? Beyond the ego-stroking affection that a "new" woman might offer.. let's not forget that it is unlikely that a man unknowingly bumped into a relatively attractive woman who THEN bolstered his self esteem... subtle as it may be, the physical attraction likely played a role in initial selection.. Moreover, perhaps the great irony is that this same woman who is appealing will likely fall into the "less appealing" category with passage of time and commitment to a long-term relationship (say, if the man leaves his current spouse and remarries this other woman) - and on and on and on... point being, let's lay ALL the cards on the table... Again, with all that said, this is a great book! Nice work!
 saving your marriage November 6, 2008
1 out of 3 found this review helpful
A comprehensive reading of this book just might save your marriage, especially if you are a female,married or planning to marry. It might also be helpful for any male considering marriage or presently married. If I had read this it could have saved my own marriage which failed due to infidelity. You cannot undo what has been done, not ever.
Super advice--no matter where you are in a relationship November 3, 2008
1 out of 4 found this review helpful
Marriage counselor Gary Neuman adds this fascinating book to those he has written on helping kids cope with divorce, and also one on emotional infidelity and finding the spirituality in tie of struggle and happiness.
This book on cheating is based on survey results as well as Neuman's professional experiences. My book has many tabs marking significant pages I want to refer to when talking with friends about this.
The irony is that I am writing this review on our 41st wedding anniversary--and even I learned several things about MEN. Written for women to better understand what makes men tick-and what makes them cheat, Neuman lays it all out.
Actually the author tells women that men are complicated beings even thought women don't think they deal with emotions very well. In fact the reason men cheat are:
- 92% of men living in the U.S. who cheated said it was not primarily about sex.
- 48% of men said EMOTIONAL DISSATISFACTION was the real reason they cheated.
To eliminate a man's feeling of emotional disconnection, his wife has to take on an attitude of appreciation and kind gestures.
The male psyche is programmed to win, and if he feels like he "cannot win at home no matter what he does" in his marriage, he will find someone else who makes him feel like a winner. A man's world is about simplicity. The idea of lying about having an affair was interesting, and many men lie because they figure it is the easiest of the options they face-like telling the truth. Neuman stated that for every lie that is avoided (after the wife asks...), there is a better chance of repairing the marriage.
The book is done in two parts: 1) Why and how men cheat, and 2) How to improve your marriage. The appendix is about value of therapy and how to heal after an affair.
I liked that each chapter contains some case studies, tips and things to do, and he backs up everything with results of the survey.
This book isn't just for women who feel their husband many already be cheating, but as a prevention manual.
Armchair Interviews says: Very interesting!
 Not good for my marriage October 16, 2008
7 out of 14 found this review helpful
Lets begin with the title of this book. My husband saw me reading this book and he cringed. The title of this book actually started an argument as to why I was reading this book. He thought, I thought he was cheating!!!
My second problem with this book is that it was written awfully similar to "Proper care and feeding of husbands" By Dr. Laura except it was done with a softer tone with facts to back it up. The truth for me is that neither book is/was helpful to my marriage. Both books want the wife to coddle the husband like a child and not hold him responsible, and to only see the good in your husband and over look what's not working, stop nagging etc. Yeah I can see how a husband would love that. It lets them off the hook for say the last 12 years of having your home in disrepair because he promises to finish the home remodeling project within the end of the month.
Trust me if you try the advice in this book you most likely will end up in a much worse place in your marriage then when you started. Nothing will ever be resolved and your husband will never know how unhappy you are until the day you throw the divorce papers at him.
You can not stop your husband from cheating. It's his choice to do so and there is not one thing you as a woman can do to control that choice because it is not YOUR choice.
If you are reading this book in hopes to fix a marriage that has gone bad, run to the phone and get an appointment with a marriage councilor. Open and honest communication is key to any good marriage and having a third party present will help make it safe for BOTH of you speak and help you learn to communicate and resolve issues so you will no longer have the laundry list of unresolved issues to spout about in an argument.
**I am editing my review because I would like to recommend Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch, Ph.d as a book that is helpful for women who want a co-dependent free marriage.
Men's Pain October 15, 2008
12 out of 16 found this review helpful
As a man I found that the author was able to describe the ways that men feel about troubled relationships. It put into words many feelings that I and other males experience. I recommend that men read this book so that they might better articulate their distress. One of the reasons men act out their feelings rather than verbalize them is a poverty of language. This book is very articulate and puts the feelings men experience into easily understandable language. My hope is that men will begin to verbalize these feelings and that a dialog between partners can happen before an affair is started.
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